Does anyone have this problem?

Ok, so you have a boyfriend. Or girlfriend.. They are the most amazing person you know, you love them with everything you have to offer, you'd do anything to make them happy... Yet there is one thing that makes you unhappy, or feel down. Their friends.

You could be the nicest person in the world.. but their friends don't like you. What do you do? Is there anything you can do? I have my boyfriend, and I love him to pieces. I would move with him wherever he went! That's how much I love him. I'd fight for us.. I'd stand up for him.. I'd even take a bullet for him. But no matter what I do, or how I feel about him, there's always his friends in the background. The ones who are the problem.. used to be my friends. Yes, my friends too. In fact, I knew them before I knew my guy.

I don't know whether it's something I've done, something they think I've done, or even if it's something he's told them that they've judged me on! The thing with girls, when it comes to boyfriends.. they don't change their opinions (unless of course something drastic happens like cheating!) if they like their friend's boyfriend, they like them.. However, my boyfriend's friends, have suddenly all turned on me, and decided that, I'm not good enough for him, and they don't like me. Infact, some have evn told me to my face, and made it plain!

:( All I want, is to be happy. I am happy with who I'm with. And I would give anything to make him happy, and give him everything he wants. But at the back of my mind, I know no matter what I do, I will always be judged by them lads...

Is there anything to change their mind? Is there anything I can do? when they were once a friend of mine? Even after going out of my way to help and cheer them up after breakups.. helping them get the girl they wanted.. not taking sides when they've had biig bust ups.. What does it take for guys to just.. Change thier minds?? Help anyone?

Bone Marrow Donors

So today, I saved a life. In theory anyway. I gave blood, for the fifth time. And decided to join the BBMR.
The BBMR is the British Bone Marrow Resgister. This can save more lives than just giving blood. Being part of the register, can save the lives of lukemia sufferers, by giving them the stem cells they need.

It is available for all blood donors to join, and almost everyone else. If you are interested, ask at the nearest blood donor session, or ring the number for advice and queries.

One day, someone you know or love might be relying on some. Save a life.

Dear Annabel...

I don’t quite know what to say, it’s been a while since we’ve been in contact, I wish I could turn back the time.
For the time that I knew you, I cherished your friendship. You were there for me in my darker times, my rock through the bad times, and no matter what I will never forget that. It’s when you get hurt as deeply as I did, that you start to be greatful for those around you who are loyal to you, or so the ones you think are loyal.

To have a best friend betray you, is unforgiveable, something that will be on your mind no matter how much you try to forget it. I will never and could never inflict that on anyone. Especially not you, and I feel guilty for this, which I am about to say:

I’m not who you think I am. You were the bestest friend I had, the one I turned to with everything, the one I talked to when I had no one else. The one who knew all my secrets, that was you. I was lucky to have you, and you made me feel accepted. One of the few people who didn’t laugh at me, one of those who didn’t talk about me. Or so I thought.

I had your back always, looked out for you, and even helped with relaionship problems. You two were perfect for each other. Until one day, he did something I never thought he’d do. Asking me out for meals.. to the cinema.. all of which I thought I was a double date, all of us together. I had no idea you didn’t know. He even came round mine, without you, strange this looks, even to me now. You were invited to come, though he didn’t tell you. You thought it was out of pity. It wasn’t. I wanted you there, more than him.

The conversations on msn, started off as normal, we were good friends, before youtwo got together, he used to tell me how much he liked you, and when you got together, he was made up. But a few times, he tried flirting with me, going so far as asking if anything more could happen between us. Telling me he’d dreamt about me and all sorts. I was horrified, and I cried at the sight of what he was saying. I didn’t want to say anything to you.. I didn’t want to hurt you, or split you up. Especially when I knew nothing would happen, I didn’t like him like that, never had. He was like a brother to me. You have no idea how uncomfortable I felt.

How could I tell you all this? How could I be the bearer of such horrible news? Iwish I had, I wish you knew just what he was really like

I wish I could tell you all this, I wish there was some way of you knowing. But I can’t. I don’t have the face to ruin things for you, or even stop you from making a big mistake. You were always worried about him finding someone new, worried about something happening. I thought you were safe, as I’d never do that to you. I know what it feels like, and I couldn’t inflict that on anyone.
My little twiglet, my best friend… I miss you x

What to do?

How do we tell someone something that we know will break their heart, but something they need to know?

How many of you have been screwed over? Whether by a friend, a boyfriend, a family member, or even someone you work with?

Sometimes we go through life in our own way. We live how we want to live, we do what we want to do, we know our limits. We know those close to us, we know the ones we care for, admire, and cherish. How is it that one day, things just, change? And people's perceptions of you become different, for no clear reasoning.

There is reasoning. It's always deep down below the surface, and it's not until it's too late that you realise why. The reasoning is always down to one of the following; jealousy, guilt or regret.

Being screwed over by someone close to you, always makes you wonder what you did wrong. You never think it's something someone else did. What about losing a best friend? A friend you loved and cared for, but lost contact with for reaons unknown to you. The fact her other half had somehow turned the tables on you so you are the one at fault.

To have your friend, betray you and your best friend by coming on to you, confuses you, and messes with your mind. You push them away, because you don't want it... but nevertheless, they keep trying. However, it's you that gets the blame. If you could only tell them the truth, if you could only make them see the mistake they were making... Is it too late? Maybe, just maybe, it isn't too late yet...

New Me, New Beginning

So today is the beginning of the new me. I have finally kicked myself up the backside, and done what I have been meaningto do for goodness knows how long! I have joined the gym.

Now as my other half will tell you, I was always moaning about something. How wobbly my legs and stomach were, or how a certain pair of jeans didn’t fit, or even how unfit I was. But did I do anything about it? Of course not! I couldn’t be bothered. I was lazy and just expected things to change. What was it that made me change you ask? I’ll tell you…

I was a normal girl, didn’t bother what people thought, happy with how I was and what I had, not a care in the world, and I’d do what I like. However, I started to put weight on. At first, it was just a bit, it didn’t bother me at all. But then being at university, I put on a stone and a half. Yes, wow! I didn’t exactly do anything about it, I just moaned. It wasn’t until three days ago, that I stood in front of the mirror, and looked in horror at the stranger staring back at me. Who and what was that thing? It was me.

I’m not the most athletic person in the world. I have rather bad asthma, and am unfit to the point where walking up stairs gets me out of breath. My decision to join the gym is to help me lose weight, tone my muscles and even fitten up. I tell you, you have no idea how good it feels when you start to put a plan into action!

I’m not really a morning person. I’d sleep in until midday if I could, but today I was up at 7am, ready to go down to the gym and register. Which I did… It turned out they couldn’t fit me in for an induction until 8.30pm tonight. Waste of time getting up early you say? No. In fact, I’m rather happy to have been up since then. I feel fresh and alive, knowing that later on, will be the start of the new me. Until then, it’s the healthy diet plan that starts now.

A word of advice, if something is bugging you and you’re not happy, whatever it is, do something about it. You will feels so great when you do something, and even better when you see the final outcome.

That uncomfortable feeling

Have you ever felt so uncomfortable, that you don't know how to feel about something?
Have you ever wondered why people are the way they are? The way they make you feel, like an outcast... Like you don't belong... Like you're not right. Whoever we are, whatever we are, we have the right to be like that. Not how others think we should be. I feel enclosed in a particular world, like I'm not quite how I should be. Like I'm different. Too different.

Will anyone accept me for who I am? Will they let me be who I am and who I want to be? I want to be me, live freely and not care what people think, but I live knowing that there's constant whispers behind my back. What happens when we don't know what to do? When we don't know how to take it? Will I ever live securely in a world I'm happy with? Where I'm truly happy?

I live with this burden of wondering if I'm being watched, being monitored and judged, but by people who are of insignificance. How is it they have this power over me, to make me feel so unwanted?
When will we live in a world where everything is normal? Will we ever have that? I want the acceptance from those close to me, those who call themselves friends but don't act like it. I want the friendship.

Infidelity and Suspicions

So today I decided, I’d sit in and watch and a film, curled up on the sofa, with my big fluffy dressing gown, and forget about being ill. I ended up watching The Women. I loved it! I thought it was brilliant! However, it did raise issues for me. What is it that’s so hard about being faithful? Why do people see the need to stray, and go in search of something that they have already?

Cheating is never something I really understood. Someone once told me, ‘the grass is greener at home’ and I thought, it’s true. If you’re happy, then you have everything you want. Why risk losing it all? But some people do. They throw everything away for nothing, as it often turns out, that what they gained, was nothing to what they lost.

I have friends that recently have been unfaithful, and they don’t seem to care. People’s minds are becoming corupt, and any feelings are just being forgotten. I am shocked how anyone could cause such pain and hurt to someone they care so deeply about. I am ashamed to say I know so many people who do it, and shocked by them. It’s so unexpected. Which draws me to my next point.

If infidelity is becoming more common, what chance do we stand of being happy? What stops us from suspecting those close to us? I myself, admittedly get paranoid, not that I should. I am happy, and I am a nice person, I am happy with whom I’m with. I have trust that they will remain faithful, but there will always be a thought in the back of my mind, some people will throw away everything.

Trust isn’t something that should be given away freely, it is something that should be earned. It’s alright to have some suspicions, just don’t live by them. Live everyday as if it’s your last, cherish every moment you have, you don’t know how long something will last. Not everything will last forever.

Moods

What is it that changes our mood? How do we go from being quite happy, to suddenly being down? I read once, that it only takes one bad thing to make you unhappy, but to cheer you up, it takes five good things. Does this mean, that unhappiness is a stronger emotion, or merely an easier one to have?

Personally, I find myself more in a happier mood than I am a bad one, and I can honestly say, I don’t know what makes me so happy! Today I woke up and saw the sun blazing through my window, lighting my whole room up, and for a slight moment, it felt like summer, my favourite time of the year and this in itself brightened up my day… Literally! Maybe we need to have something good start our day to make a good mood last… Wake up on the right side of the bed. What does that expression mean? I have pondered this many a time, wondering whether it has hidden meaning, or if it’s a metaphor for something. If I woke up on the wrong side of my bed, then I’d have a whopping big lump on head! Not really something that will make me happy…

Some people seem to be down quite a lot, snap at people, or are pessimistic. There’s nothing worse than being in the company of a constantly depressed person, it brings your mood down too! Who wants to be sat with someone who always has a bad answer for everything? Or has a way of making you think badly of something because of the way they see things? Not I. I enjoy the complany of my friends, who are all bright and happy people, mainly because I am at the centre of their happiness obviously! Hmm, maybe that’s because I’m always saying things without thinking… I thought Eddie Murphy was dead! I then realised, I was thinking of Freddie Mercury! An easy mistake to make… Maybe not. I have made the mistake too of thinking mongolia was a breed of dog… It is infact a country, and it is a mongrel that is a dog. This does seem to amuse those around me.

Something tells me I should rethink the idea of applying for mastermind, I may just end up making a fool of myself and end up on Outtake TV instead! Or worse, youtube! :O I suppose it’s one way of getting your name known. If you don’t mind people thinking you lack intelligence! Which although I don’t, is pretty hard to deny now… Ah well, c’est la vie! You only live once!

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines to all single and taken people! The day of love is finally here. Many of you have been waiting for this day, waiting to make it something special for a loved one, and many of you have been dreading it, with no-one special in mind. Valentines day is a day of love… Where you give cards to those you love. For all the single people out there, spend the day with a friend that you love, or with family. I for one, know many people who dislike this day because they feel alone. Why is it that today that they feel more alone than usual?

After spending a lovely day today with my valentine, I am spending the evening alone. Why, may you ask? Well, it’s just how things worked out. Living miles away makes things just a little bit harder. However, he did buy me some beautiful presents A ’special girlfriend’ Me-to-You bear, and a big heart shaped slab of chocolate from Hotel Chocolat. A tear literally came to my eye just reading the card. That is what happens when you are an emotional person! But being alone, does not mean that it has to be awful, or lonely, or even depressing. Infact, a night out with the girls, (or lads if you’re a guy) is just the ticket to a good night!

For me, the worst thing about Valentines, is finding a present! Guys must be the worst people to buy for. No matter how much they try to deny it, they are. For women, there’s hundreds of different ideas, and in most shops, the valentines section is mainly for women. You just end up buying a man a cuddly bear, which we all know, to his mates will brush it off, but inside loves it to bits. Though we still feel stupid giving it to him.

This year I am biased, I have someone who is my Valentine. But is what some people think true? Is Saint Valentines Day really over rated and commercialised?

If you have love for someone, you should show it all year through, not need one day in the year to prove it

If everyone had this attitude, what would the world be like? Love should be shown throughout the year yes, but Valentines gives an excuse to go all out… make a brilliant night or day of it, and make it special. Personally, I feel that people who dislike Valentines day, are lacking something, lacking happiness, or even just afraid to show someone how they really feel. I love Valentines day, and No matter whether I spend it with someone or not, I always will.

Happy Valentines Day to all x

Something I can't explain

I don't know what it is, and I don't quite know how to explain, but I have this strange feeling inside! I feel ALIVE! I feel as though I could take on the world, anyone or anything. I feel like a new woman. I'm content with how my life is! No, I'm more than content! It's something amazing! I am who I am, and I wouldn't change it.

I feel grown up, living away from home. Although, I do still have my dad visiting me and doing my shopping, but who's going to complain of a helping hand? Not I! I am very very greatful to him :) for I was thinking I'd be living on soup for a while. Thankfully, not anymore. I often wonder how I could possibly live like my own mother and father, raising a family, doing their own cooking - Not just take aways! Able to pay for a house, run a car (which at the moment, my dad still does for me - insufficient funds on my part), support a family, work in a 'proper' job.

Now what we mean when we say a 'proper' job, is a job which is full time, and it is the only thing we are committed to.. No more education! That, is a proper job! I love writing. Yet never when I was child, did I know writing could be a job. Yes I knew people wrote books, but it never struck me it was an occupation. Likewise a journalist, or forensic scientists.. Whe you're young, there is quite simply only six main occupations. These being, doctors, nurses, vets, teachers, police and fireman. It was only as we grew up, the different occupations began broaden.

I for one remember wanting to be a pilot. Not a pilot of the cool military planes, like jets. No, I wanted to take people on holiday. I loved flying. The minute I was allowed to see inside the cockpit, I changed my mind. Even I didn't trust myself with that many buttons! My dreams changed from a pilot, to a T.V presenter, to an actress, to a journalist and writer. Not the greatest of wages, but as far as I was concerned, if I could live off it, I would be fine. As long as I enjoyed what I did, I'd be happy. Very Happy. And that is how I'm here today.

I seem to have everything right this minute.. Somehow. I have the best parents anyone could ask for, and best siblings too (well, as good as they get wen they're at the stage they are :P) I have an amazing boyfriend who I love to bits, some brilliant friends, ones I shan't forget in a hurry :) I am living in a rather nice place, which is a complete luxury when I see fellow students' places. Gosh I'm so lucky, and I love it! Not forgetting I'm doing a course at University that I enjoy. Well.. aspects of it.. Hehe but all is good,and I couldn't ask for things to go better right now.

If I could go on about what is making me happy right now, We'd all be here for weeks reading this. So I shall depart, and return soon. For now, goodnight!

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, some are able to be made right, some aren't. You never realise how much you miss something, or someone until you leave them behind. I made the mistake of taking someone for granted. Although people may think that as a family, mine are all very close, to an extent, maybe, but not as much as they think.

For years I have taken my mum and dad for granted, I guess I've just been lucky that I've always had them. They've always been there for me, through everything. It wasn't until tonight when I realised, just how much my mum means to me. I had the most indepth talk on the phone with her, and I can't even find words to say how nice it was to hear her voice, and have someone to talk to so much. I know I can tell her anything, I've just always chosen not to, but tonight, something changed.

I had never wanted to talk her so much in all my life, the one person I can trust with everything, one I know can help me, cheer me up when I'm down, have a laugh with, and tell my secrets to. Tonight I realised that my mum means everything to me, and I love her so much. I regret making the mistake of taking her for granted. Mum, I love you <3. Thank you for tonight, and thank you for always being there.

Friendship

Is there ever a time when everything actually does go right for you, and if there is, does it last very long? Is there any hope out there for us who don't quite have it all? No matter how much thought you put into something, it never goes to plan, or happen in the way you want it to.

Friendship is important. Or so I was always told. Maybe it's how people are brought up, the values of things are different with each individual. For me, friendship was always high up, just under family. 'Friends may come and go, but family will always be there' is what my mum kept telling me, with each little falling out I had with friends years back. I thought I'd grown out of them games. Though it seems I'm not quite as mature as I thought.

Loss of a friendship never gets easy. In fact, for most, it gets harder as you age. The older you are, the more friendship means. It also means more serious issues to fall out over. But what if, what if the reason you fall out is neither childish, nor serious. What if it is simply a difference in opinion, or even just about friendship itself.

Is friendship really that important? Is it not worth salvaging? The best friendships are not always the longest, it's the communication. The best friendships are the ones where there's practically nothing you can't talk about. Where you make each other feel good, look after each other, be each other's rock.. The shoulder to cry on. The best friends are the ones that stand by you no matter what.. Won't have their opinions changed by what they hear, and will be there the minute you need them. That's a true friendship.. And that's something to be valued.

Think about the friendships you have, and the ones you cherish the most. Is anything worth losing a true friend over? Is there anything that can be done to save a friendship, or rebuild? Or is it just destroyed the moment that bond is broken?

New Year, New start

So it's 2009, a new year, new start, new blog!
What better time to start blogging? It's a new me, so I thought I'd try something new.

I don't know about anyone else, but for me, 2008 was a fairly bad year. For those who know me, you'll be aware I wasn't the happiest I could be. The usual, a break up, putting on weight and being miserable.. Worrying about things I didn't need to.. exams results etc, but I lost someone dear too. Until this year, I'd never experienced the effects of a death before. Sure I'd lost people, but I was far too young to understand. November 8th saw the inevitable loss of Elizabeth Leyshon, the bravest girl I knew, who for three years fought brain tumours and passed away in my arms at the age of 14. I'd never reached such a low, but she's in a better place, away from the pain and suffering.

Though she's gone, and I still miss her, I don't find myself waiting for anything, or worrying. I don't have any weight on my shoulders, I can be happy, and I am.
This year could be my year, who knows? It could be anyone's year! This is a new beginning, and I'm starting it on a high. I'm happier than I've been in very long time! I have things to look forward to, rather than things to dread, I have reasons to be happy, not to be sad. I've started this year, by loving myself, in the sense that, I'm not hating how I look because of my weight, I'm loving it, I'm happy with it, and I feel great! As most girls know, when you once again fit into your favourite pair of jeans, you feel on top of the world, and for me, that feeling's lasted for 3 weeks so far and still on going! :) 2009 is the year for happiness.

Don't let fears or worries get in the way of happiness. Life's too short. Lizzy proved that.