What to do?

How do we tell someone something that we know will break their heart, but something they need to know?

How many of you have been screwed over? Whether by a friend, a boyfriend, a family member, or even someone you work with?

Sometimes we go through life in our own way. We live how we want to live, we do what we want to do, we know our limits. We know those close to us, we know the ones we care for, admire, and cherish. How is it that one day, things just, change? And people's perceptions of you become different, for no clear reasoning.

There is reasoning. It's always deep down below the surface, and it's not until it's too late that you realise why. The reasoning is always down to one of the following; jealousy, guilt or regret.

Being screwed over by someone close to you, always makes you wonder what you did wrong. You never think it's something someone else did. What about losing a best friend? A friend you loved and cared for, but lost contact with for reaons unknown to you. The fact her other half had somehow turned the tables on you so you are the one at fault.

To have your friend, betray you and your best friend by coming on to you, confuses you, and messes with your mind. You push them away, because you don't want it... but nevertheless, they keep trying. However, it's you that gets the blame. If you could only tell them the truth, if you could only make them see the mistake they were making... Is it too late? Maybe, just maybe, it isn't too late yet...

New Me, New Beginning

So today is the beginning of the new me. I have finally kicked myself up the backside, and done what I have been meaningto do for goodness knows how long! I have joined the gym.

Now as my other half will tell you, I was always moaning about something. How wobbly my legs and stomach were, or how a certain pair of jeans didn’t fit, or even how unfit I was. But did I do anything about it? Of course not! I couldn’t be bothered. I was lazy and just expected things to change. What was it that made me change you ask? I’ll tell you…

I was a normal girl, didn’t bother what people thought, happy with how I was and what I had, not a care in the world, and I’d do what I like. However, I started to put weight on. At first, it was just a bit, it didn’t bother me at all. But then being at university, I put on a stone and a half. Yes, wow! I didn’t exactly do anything about it, I just moaned. It wasn’t until three days ago, that I stood in front of the mirror, and looked in horror at the stranger staring back at me. Who and what was that thing? It was me.

I’m not the most athletic person in the world. I have rather bad asthma, and am unfit to the point where walking up stairs gets me out of breath. My decision to join the gym is to help me lose weight, tone my muscles and even fitten up. I tell you, you have no idea how good it feels when you start to put a plan into action!

I’m not really a morning person. I’d sleep in until midday if I could, but today I was up at 7am, ready to go down to the gym and register. Which I did… It turned out they couldn’t fit me in for an induction until 8.30pm tonight. Waste of time getting up early you say? No. In fact, I’m rather happy to have been up since then. I feel fresh and alive, knowing that later on, will be the start of the new me. Until then, it’s the healthy diet plan that starts now.

A word of advice, if something is bugging you and you’re not happy, whatever it is, do something about it. You will feels so great when you do something, and even better when you see the final outcome.

That uncomfortable feeling

Have you ever felt so uncomfortable, that you don't know how to feel about something?
Have you ever wondered why people are the way they are? The way they make you feel, like an outcast... Like you don't belong... Like you're not right. Whoever we are, whatever we are, we have the right to be like that. Not how others think we should be. I feel enclosed in a particular world, like I'm not quite how I should be. Like I'm different. Too different.

Will anyone accept me for who I am? Will they let me be who I am and who I want to be? I want to be me, live freely and not care what people think, but I live knowing that there's constant whispers behind my back. What happens when we don't know what to do? When we don't know how to take it? Will I ever live securely in a world I'm happy with? Where I'm truly happy?

I live with this burden of wondering if I'm being watched, being monitored and judged, but by people who are of insignificance. How is it they have this power over me, to make me feel so unwanted?
When will we live in a world where everything is normal? Will we ever have that? I want the acceptance from those close to me, those who call themselves friends but don't act like it. I want the friendship.

Infidelity and Suspicions

So today I decided, I’d sit in and watch and a film, curled up on the sofa, with my big fluffy dressing gown, and forget about being ill. I ended up watching The Women. I loved it! I thought it was brilliant! However, it did raise issues for me. What is it that’s so hard about being faithful? Why do people see the need to stray, and go in search of something that they have already?

Cheating is never something I really understood. Someone once told me, ‘the grass is greener at home’ and I thought, it’s true. If you’re happy, then you have everything you want. Why risk losing it all? But some people do. They throw everything away for nothing, as it often turns out, that what they gained, was nothing to what they lost.

I have friends that recently have been unfaithful, and they don’t seem to care. People’s minds are becoming corupt, and any feelings are just being forgotten. I am shocked how anyone could cause such pain and hurt to someone they care so deeply about. I am ashamed to say I know so many people who do it, and shocked by them. It’s so unexpected. Which draws me to my next point.

If infidelity is becoming more common, what chance do we stand of being happy? What stops us from suspecting those close to us? I myself, admittedly get paranoid, not that I should. I am happy, and I am a nice person, I am happy with whom I’m with. I have trust that they will remain faithful, but there will always be a thought in the back of my mind, some people will throw away everything.

Trust isn’t something that should be given away freely, it is something that should be earned. It’s alright to have some suspicions, just don’t live by them. Live everyday as if it’s your last, cherish every moment you have, you don’t know how long something will last. Not everything will last forever.

Moods

What is it that changes our mood? How do we go from being quite happy, to suddenly being down? I read once, that it only takes one bad thing to make you unhappy, but to cheer you up, it takes five good things. Does this mean, that unhappiness is a stronger emotion, or merely an easier one to have?

Personally, I find myself more in a happier mood than I am a bad one, and I can honestly say, I don’t know what makes me so happy! Today I woke up and saw the sun blazing through my window, lighting my whole room up, and for a slight moment, it felt like summer, my favourite time of the year and this in itself brightened up my day… Literally! Maybe we need to have something good start our day to make a good mood last… Wake up on the right side of the bed. What does that expression mean? I have pondered this many a time, wondering whether it has hidden meaning, or if it’s a metaphor for something. If I woke up on the wrong side of my bed, then I’d have a whopping big lump on head! Not really something that will make me happy…

Some people seem to be down quite a lot, snap at people, or are pessimistic. There’s nothing worse than being in the company of a constantly depressed person, it brings your mood down too! Who wants to be sat with someone who always has a bad answer for everything? Or has a way of making you think badly of something because of the way they see things? Not I. I enjoy the complany of my friends, who are all bright and happy people, mainly because I am at the centre of their happiness obviously! Hmm, maybe that’s because I’m always saying things without thinking… I thought Eddie Murphy was dead! I then realised, I was thinking of Freddie Mercury! An easy mistake to make… Maybe not. I have made the mistake too of thinking mongolia was a breed of dog… It is infact a country, and it is a mongrel that is a dog. This does seem to amuse those around me.

Something tells me I should rethink the idea of applying for mastermind, I may just end up making a fool of myself and end up on Outtake TV instead! Or worse, youtube! :O I suppose it’s one way of getting your name known. If you don’t mind people thinking you lack intelligence! Which although I don’t, is pretty hard to deny now… Ah well, c’est la vie! You only live once!

Happy Valentines

Happy Valentines to all single and taken people! The day of love is finally here. Many of you have been waiting for this day, waiting to make it something special for a loved one, and many of you have been dreading it, with no-one special in mind. Valentines day is a day of love… Where you give cards to those you love. For all the single people out there, spend the day with a friend that you love, or with family. I for one, know many people who dislike this day because they feel alone. Why is it that today that they feel more alone than usual?

After spending a lovely day today with my valentine, I am spending the evening alone. Why, may you ask? Well, it’s just how things worked out. Living miles away makes things just a little bit harder. However, he did buy me some beautiful presents A ’special girlfriend’ Me-to-You bear, and a big heart shaped slab of chocolate from Hotel Chocolat. A tear literally came to my eye just reading the card. That is what happens when you are an emotional person! But being alone, does not mean that it has to be awful, or lonely, or even depressing. Infact, a night out with the girls, (or lads if you’re a guy) is just the ticket to a good night!

For me, the worst thing about Valentines, is finding a present! Guys must be the worst people to buy for. No matter how much they try to deny it, they are. For women, there’s hundreds of different ideas, and in most shops, the valentines section is mainly for women. You just end up buying a man a cuddly bear, which we all know, to his mates will brush it off, but inside loves it to bits. Though we still feel stupid giving it to him.

This year I am biased, I have someone who is my Valentine. But is what some people think true? Is Saint Valentines Day really over rated and commercialised?

If you have love for someone, you should show it all year through, not need one day in the year to prove it

If everyone had this attitude, what would the world be like? Love should be shown throughout the year yes, but Valentines gives an excuse to go all out… make a brilliant night or day of it, and make it special. Personally, I feel that people who dislike Valentines day, are lacking something, lacking happiness, or even just afraid to show someone how they really feel. I love Valentines day, and No matter whether I spend it with someone or not, I always will.

Happy Valentines Day to all x

Something I can't explain

I don't know what it is, and I don't quite know how to explain, but I have this strange feeling inside! I feel ALIVE! I feel as though I could take on the world, anyone or anything. I feel like a new woman. I'm content with how my life is! No, I'm more than content! It's something amazing! I am who I am, and I wouldn't change it.

I feel grown up, living away from home. Although, I do still have my dad visiting me and doing my shopping, but who's going to complain of a helping hand? Not I! I am very very greatful to him :) for I was thinking I'd be living on soup for a while. Thankfully, not anymore. I often wonder how I could possibly live like my own mother and father, raising a family, doing their own cooking - Not just take aways! Able to pay for a house, run a car (which at the moment, my dad still does for me - insufficient funds on my part), support a family, work in a 'proper' job.

Now what we mean when we say a 'proper' job, is a job which is full time, and it is the only thing we are committed to.. No more education! That, is a proper job! I love writing. Yet never when I was child, did I know writing could be a job. Yes I knew people wrote books, but it never struck me it was an occupation. Likewise a journalist, or forensic scientists.. Whe you're young, there is quite simply only six main occupations. These being, doctors, nurses, vets, teachers, police and fireman. It was only as we grew up, the different occupations began broaden.

I for one remember wanting to be a pilot. Not a pilot of the cool military planes, like jets. No, I wanted to take people on holiday. I loved flying. The minute I was allowed to see inside the cockpit, I changed my mind. Even I didn't trust myself with that many buttons! My dreams changed from a pilot, to a T.V presenter, to an actress, to a journalist and writer. Not the greatest of wages, but as far as I was concerned, if I could live off it, I would be fine. As long as I enjoyed what I did, I'd be happy. Very Happy. And that is how I'm here today.

I seem to have everything right this minute.. Somehow. I have the best parents anyone could ask for, and best siblings too (well, as good as they get wen they're at the stage they are :P) I have an amazing boyfriend who I love to bits, some brilliant friends, ones I shan't forget in a hurry :) I am living in a rather nice place, which is a complete luxury when I see fellow students' places. Gosh I'm so lucky, and I love it! Not forgetting I'm doing a course at University that I enjoy. Well.. aspects of it.. Hehe but all is good,and I couldn't ask for things to go better right now.

If I could go on about what is making me happy right now, We'd all be here for weeks reading this. So I shall depart, and return soon. For now, goodnight!